Monday, September 21, 2009

Last night I had a bit of a break through with my intonations. I could hear them reverberating in a very peculiar way, and somehow, each syllable had life that was outside of me, or beyond me. For brief moments, I felt as if I were simply observing myself intoning certain barbarous names, as if I were hearing myself speaking them out without thinking of doing so. This definitely altered my state of mind quite nicely.

I keep making offerings to the local spirits and I always try to give them time to communicate, if they will, before closing the communication down. The most I've been getting is that I see movement. Quite a bit -- everything in my general line of vision seems to... Take on some sort of life. Like there's a clear, but somehow apparent energetic force over everything within my sight -- like a thin veil upon everything. The trails of smoke from my incense do rather interesting things, and I've managed to scry off of just about any surface you can think of when the line of communication is established.

That's all fine and well, but I don't understand what the hell I'm supposed to gain from just seeing spooks do strange things. I promise I'm not just trying to chase down psychic phenomena -- I've worked pretty extensively on my "lust for result", and only when allowing myself to slip into the Work completely do results begin to manifest. Which they are. But of what use in this case?

Last night wasn't very comfortable though. In fact, it was just rather unsettling. I think I got a little fiesty with wanting to establish a connection with the local spirits and that they didn't appreciate it too much.

I think some good banishing Work is probably in order, because whatever wasn't so happy with me definitely didn't depart upon the closing. Within the dark of my room, a bag of cat litter of all things reflected the light pouring from under the door -- but it was too illuminated to even be realistic -- and I saw the face of a hag develop in the reflections. It was pretty distinct. And around this reflection, everything just... Went black.

In other news, Atlanta has been flooded today. At Starbucks, we had to close the store down at 3 oclock because water was seeping into the store from all sides. Oh, and every route I could take to get anywhere was blocked off due to flooding. So, instead of my nice 5 minute drive home from work, I had to take a longer detour through already ravaged streets for about half an hour.

Nice. And I'm supposed to be back at 5 AM -- We'll see about that...

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Strength.

I don't quite know what to make of this yet, so I'm going to write it down.



For starters, I've been reading Jason Miller's "Sorcerer's Secrets". This book is refreshing, direct, and practical. My mentor urged me to read it because he rants and raves about it, saying that it summarizes everything he tries to teach others about magick -- Which so far, is true.



There's an interesting snippet that brought something to my attention I haven't recognized yet. He urgers the practitioner to befriend whatever local spirits may inhabit your place of dwelling -- be it at home or in your travels, as you will find that they can contribute an extra boost in your magick as well as mundane endeavours. He outlines a couple simple rituals for offering. In fact, he so stresses offering that he would place it in magickal importance right behind meditation.



So I gave it a go. This ritual is just a general offering... He recommends keeping it simple and generic, because using too many specific items that may fall under certain classes of spirits might offend other spirits -- which makes sense. He says, "stick with incense and liquor and use the Gesture of Offering (as outlined in the book)"... Well, liquor is a no-go; I am an alcoholic. He recommended only tea and water if you were Working outside and were able to pour it on the earth, which wasn't the case. So, I offered some Sandalwood (recommended), a simple Tea Light candle, and a slice of bread (Come on... It's just bread.)



After making the offering, calling forth their presence and what have you, came time for either closing or communing. I chose the latter. Initially, I noticed a couple "visual disturbances" and that the flames of the candles began to flicker a tad -- nothing too mind blowing, that's pretty common to me when working with any spirits, really.



But I noticed that distinctly and clearly, the image of the "figure-8" came into my mind. I thought, "What? Eternity? Why the figure 8, I don't understand?". So, the communication grew stagnant and I decided to close it down.



After this, I did my usual "Tarot Contemplation" as handed down in Modern Magick. I enjoy this mini-ritual. Since I'm pretty familiar with the meanings, I like to use this ritual to understand a theme or focal point that deserves attention. Which card did it land on, you say?



Strength. I use the Rider Waite Tarot, so for those unfamiliar with this deck's image of Strength, follow this link: http://grosenberg.files.wordpress.com/2009/06/rw-strength.jpg?w=87&h=150

At this point, I decided I needed some further contemplation, so I did the "Advanced Tarot Contemplation" -- in this meditation, you envision yourself actually "in" the scene of the card, and you observe your surroundings beyond the card. I took on the form of the Lion, and from his perspective, I could see that as sunny and beautiful as it was where I was sitting, beyond the card there was a great and wicked storm. It was as if I, the Lion, was being "groomed" for battle. Wolves and boars with red eyes and all manners of ravenous animals were charging from a forest. I could "hear" their howls, their barks, and their growls.

And suddenly, I found myself as me (not the Lion), standing somewhere in the forest -- very alone, and without help. I remember seeing and feeling the rain pouring down on me, and an overwhelming sense of grief washed over me, but all the while in the distance, I could see where it was Sunny. I could see the woman tending to the Lion -- this Lion was still a part of me, and it was my hope amid such awful conditions.

What all of that means, I'm really not sure. It really caught my attention because of the Figure-8, though.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

The simple things...

I've noticed a bizarre occurence that tends to follow me about. Since a lot of my Work as of late has dealt with fine tuning my Sphere and doing whatever possible to balance out the influence of the planetary spheres and bring them into alignment in mine, each day seems to bring about a certain area of focus -- something I need to work on. Mondays, for instance, I have noticed that my thoughts become more susceptible to others' opinions and "proofs" thereof. I may have a difficult time recognizing the inherent illusory nature of a person, of a piece of writing, and also, some of the conclusions I may come to in my magickal Work. Tuesdays have notably brought out the most belligerent, dick aspects in me and by the end of the day, I am pissed off at several people, and probably several more are irritated and pissed off with me. I'm in war-mode -- misunderstanding intentions left and right and ready to jump at anything that moves. As a Scorpio, co-ruled by Mars, it brings to my attention the less friendly aspects of myself. The areas in which I could really use some improvement. Thursdays have made me mindful of what I have not yet achieved in the material sense of the word "achievement" -- my mind swings from the right side to the often vacant left side. Education, career, finances, personal responsibility as it pertains to all of these things, begin rushing into my mind to the extent that by the end of the day, I feel like an unaccomplished waste of life, sometimes. Fridays bring about a mixture of feelings -- my more positive, optimistic traits shine through, but my romantic idealism sets in, leaving me most discontent with things in that department.

Saturdays... Well, let's just say that at this stage in my magickal Work, I haven't learned yet how to properly make use of Saturnine influences... My last Working that dealt with the creation of a Saturn talisman left me bogged down, heavy, detached, and misplaced. Even Krista (now, my ex-girlfriend) kept trying to get to the bottom of what was wrong. She made quite the observation when she said to me, "Just an hour ago you seemed okay. And now... You seem so... Heavy." -- Heavy is not a word I usually hear her using to described her perception of my mood or general aura. Little did she know just how relevant that little word could be.

Strangely, however, Sundays are hard for me. I find myself in fleshy weakness, filled with doubts about myself and my progress, and losing sight of my light and my inspiration. As I progress in my magickal work, these things are becoming less damning to my well being, but it all brings with it a laundry list of things I need to work on. Not just in my life -- but, at this stage in my development, mostly in myself. I've begun this process of inner alchemy and all these kinks are getting worked out, one day at a time. Different things seem to surface in correspondence to what planetary sphere rules which day -- this is the conclusion I've come to by observation.

Oh, and let's not forget the cycles of the Moon. Oh, for God's sake. The waning of the moon would see me losing motivation and interest in things, would see me losing inspiration and feeling gradually more fatigued and more depressed. By the time the moon was naught but a tiny sliver, I'd be about ready to just say "Fuck all of this, all of it." None of these things are apparent when I am not magickally active in my life -- when I am not actively seeking to harmonize with the spheres and the spirits thereof, when I am not actively attuning my sphere to elemental influences, and balancing the tendencies thereof. Recently, I made a request to Gabriel that he'd straight out the shit that keeps me tied to the moon's cycles. Granted, I work certain types of magick during certain times in the cycle -- Waning for me has been a great way for me to bind a quality, a thing, a problem to to the waning of the moon so that it banishes by the time I am ready to cast new seeds at the New Moon. Basic stuff, but... In my personal life, I was having a hard time functioning when the moon was waning. This waning cycle, despite all other factors, has been much easier to deal with. In fact, I haven't noticed much of a difference -- I suppose Gabriel heard my request and through whatever mysterious means, he knew what to do with me. (Except.. He keeps asking me for roses, which I don't understand, and never understood. And I say "he", but I feel more of a "she" when the spirit is present)

Today, however, was yet another blue Sunday. So before leaving for an AA meeting, I took out a taper that I had engraved, anointed, and charged for Work one Sunday a while back. Its purpose was to eradicate fear, weakness, and doubt -- and to flood my being with the Light of the Sun, to all the darker corners of my mind. It served its purpose before, so I figured it would again. I simply spoke out to Michael asking for help with those things, and bound the lighting of the candle to burning away those malefactors and illuminating my mind. I felt an immediate lift, but things occured throughout the remainder of the evening that let me know that he heard my request.

1 minute or less it took. No banishing ritual, no extravagance. Just a small prayer and a lit candle and my night was filled with Light, and yet some of the simplest magick I've worked in a while.

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Connecting the Dots.

I've got to say, I'm terrible at keeping records; wonderful at experiencing mysterious phenomenon throughout my life, but terrible at writing them down. If there's one regret I've got so far in my magickal work, it's that I didn't keep closer records of my experiences, the information I received, and my development as it came along.


Not that this could be any substitute for a personal diary, I must find an outlet for the multitude of mysterious subtleties that occur within and outside of my magickal work. That is the purpose of this blog. (Not to mention countless hours of poking, prodding, questioning and commenting that I tend to subject other magicians to)... ;o)


On many occassions within each day I'll see something, hear something, say something, meet someone, or feel something that seems particularly relevant and somewhere inside, I can tell it has meaning. Often, I'll read the Tarot about a particular choice I've made, am making, or may be about to make, as they pertain to my spiritual development and how my choices might affect it, and often I'll notice that there is an ironic placement of the cards throughout readings. Lately, The Empress, The High Priestess, and Justice have been showing their faces in peculiar ways in various placements. Sure -- it's not hard to do when you've been doing exclusively Major Arcana readings... But it's their placement, their significance, their relevance, and their repitition that stand out to me -- it's how one reading reveals what my True Will is, another reveals the attainment of that True Will, while yet another reveals the err in my ways which may separate me from my True Will. Above all else, my True Will has been encompassed within The Empress.

What I'm referring to here is the abundance, growth, creativity of life -- Fertility. Fertility of mind, body, spirit, and the unfolding of events in my Sphere.


Sometimes, I'll do a reading -- I'll interpret it, I'll leave it sitting for later reflection, and when I feel that I have gotten the message clearly from the cards, I'll reorganize my cards and set them aside without having recorded the divination. I won't think much of the divination because I feel that it has served its purpose. Then, I'll do a reading, and I'll see the same exact set of 7 cards arranged in a different sequence and I'll just wish to GOD I had recorded the first.


Not too long ago, I conjured Haniel, being an archangel of the sphere of Venus. I have some rather intense experiences with this particular spirit each and every time I work with it. On this particular occassion, after I was done with my Work, I went outside for a smoke. I could see the moon in all its glory, and clouds hung about it reminiscient of incense before a flame. I noticed something odd about it -- the clouds were genuinely taking very clear forms and images. I couldn't understand them at the time, but they were too well formed for me to shrug off. One of the images that clearly formed was a skull.


Now, I knew that the timing of my smoke break after the ritual, and my decision to go on to the back porch rather than the front porch (Where I'd usually go) put me in the right place at the right time to see this great spectacle. But what did I fail to do? I failed to write all of these images down. I saw several, but the skull sticks with me especially. Why?


a)Skulls look sinister, let's just be honest. You'll remember seeing a skull after performing a conjuration, just saying.


b)Just a couple of weeks later, me and my girlfriend of 4 years parted ways. In readings relevant to our relationship, The Moon often made its appearance (as it pertained to magick related to securing our relationship), as well as Death (as it pertained to the outcome of letting it ride its course) and The Tower (as it pertained to spiritual advice regarding the fulfillment of my True Will). To work magick to try to secure the relationship was akin to dousing a once burning heap with all manners of gasoline, with no hope of it reigniting, leaving a soggy heap of noxious fumes to fill its vicinity with its insidious presence -- The Moon also suggested that there were things illusory in nature that suggested a hidden error (Which is a sure bet with this girl...). To continue Working on myself and letting the relationship ride its course brought the guarantee of Death -- I've been dying to myself and many aspects that are no longer useful are burning away, with the promise of a renewal. As a step in the process of development, I came across the Chariot and The Tower *several* times, with the promise of The Empress and Justice -- There was a battle I must overcome, a triumph to be had -- but something had to be destroyed, and that's not always a pretty process (Note: Bodies engulfmed in flames projecting from a Tower, kind of morbid imagery around 9/11) As part of my Death process, I've been shedding addictions and old ways. These include drug use, alcoholism, codependence, and childish beliefs -- all somehow tied together into one big package called FEAR.


What I'm getting at is that there are so many details that offer themselves up, so many manners for spirits and the like to convey Wisdom or a simple message to you, that if we were to simply find meaning in even the smallest things, I believe and am now experiencing that progress begins to take on a life of its own.


Making a record helps you to connect the dots in the way magick unfolds in your life. By keeping a record, you can begin to make sense out things you saw unclearly, hear Wisdom out of phrases that seemed fragmented, and reflect upon all these so that a coherent picture is rendered that can be your standard for recognizing the effectiveness of your magick and the way it manifested in your Sphere. Otherwise, you're just surrounded in a whirl of confusing its-and-bits that make you seem more like a schizophrenic than a Magician.