A night not soon forgotten.

This evening was a strange and mysterious one, without a doubt. At my AA meeting tonight, I met a family of mystics/shamans/witches/magicians who all have Christian beliefs and descend from generations of magickal practitioners. One of them had initiated a conversation with me which of course spiraled into an all embracing, open hearted discussion of our spirituality and practices. I was perhaps an "odd one" in the bunch with the majority of my current magickal practice being of the Hermetic/ceremonial/conjure magick variety, but it was undoubtedly designed to happen that we should meet. Once the rest of the people from the meeting left, they started to do some smudging to one another as they often do, they smudged the entire perimeter of the building (stands to reason, a bunch of addicts and alcoholics in and out all day long), and they including me in their rite of purification. I connected with all of them in a unique way.

One of them was a Scorpio sun & rising like myself, and he was intense. He asked me if I knew what my "spirit guide" (or spirit animal, more like) was, and I said "...No? I've been working on the Knowledge & Conversation of the HGA for a while, but..." So we determined that this was not the same thing -- he started to teach me how to discover that spirit guide with his method of Drawing Down the Moon, but before he could even finish explaining, he looked into my eyes and said... "Do you have a python?"

I stunted up. He was right on point -- I own a ball python. I also assume the role of the serpent within the triplicity of Scorpio (serpent, scorpin, and eagle) and because of a few revelations involving the serpent, got that ball python and that tattoo with the serpent woven through the "M" astrological symbol for Scorpio. He explained that the python must inevitably be my spirit guide. He saw it in my eyes. At one point, he asked me to extend my receiving-hand (which is my left hand) and he placed a small piece of citrine in my palm. He instructed me to "access" it with my third eye and tell him what I saw. I saw a wise, old tree on top of a hill, with an ocean in the background. He was taken aback by my response, explaining the significance of trees in the spiritual sense (which I knew).

One of the guys I met has lineage that traces back to Gerald Gardner ("father of modern witchcraft"), and the family also has lineage to Cherokee indians. There are also Freemasons within the family. This family in general have a special spiritual bond amongst each other and they are looking to perhaps form a group or coven of sorts with whomever they choose to include, and I potentially may be a part of that. I could learn a lot from a few of these guys and it's pretty exciting.

Interestingly, my AA sponsor's brother is a very active Qabalist, ritual magician, and a Freemason as well. I'm going to meet him soon.

I have been making connections with people left and right and suddenly being thrust into a network of people *just like me* in ways I've never experienced, in ways I've been wanting ever since I began my study and practice. I'm getting all the validation in the world that I am on a path upward and it's really brought peace and exhilaration to my spirit. At long last.

-Fr. S.e.A.

God works in Mysterious ways.

I got off of work today, and I felt tense. I recently found out something that in one way or another is bound to drastically change my daily life. My girlfriend of over 4 years was just accepted into the University of South Alabama -- she was interested because they offer a degree in Meteorology, something that is not offered in any school here in Georgia that will accept her. Needless to say, this presents an obvious difficulty for me: Do I try and find a way to make a new life over there and have my own pursuits, Which I could just as easily follow there or here, I have no attachment to Georgia or a reason to stay... That is, except for her. She is my partner, my best friend, and I have been through shit with this girl.

I've had to trust God on this one -- just pray a lot about it, give my faith over to Him, and try to not to make any rash decisions based on what I thought was a good idea at the time. When I turn my faith over to Him in my life, things start happening that are odd and unusual, and often reveal what plan He's got working for me.

For the first time in a couple weeks, I got really afraid... Just full of fear, and not of faith. Yes, my faith was definitely weakening for a moment as I was driving home from work realizing that what lay ahead might be very painful and hard to deal with. Intellectually, I was aware that He would guide me to the place I needed to be and that whatever felt like a loss would in turn become a mighty gain. But the fear of pain set in, and my focus became clouded. I prayed about it for a few minutes, saying a great prayer from AA's 3rd step "God, I offer myself to thee, to build with me and do with me as thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, take away my difficulties, that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of thy love, thy power, and thy way of life. May I do thy will always."

I made a split second decision to drive past my neighborhood to get a quick bite to eat before my hunger turned me into a depressed, paranoid, drug/booze-craving lunatic (especially on the day of the full moon, everything is intensified)..

Within a minute or two of closing my prayer, my Check Engine light came on. I'm thinking... Oh great... Now that I've saved a few hundred dollars, here it goes again. I saw that my engine was radically overheating -- it looked like the needle on the gauge wanted to just fly off. I stopped my car at the nearest parking lot, a Waffle House a couple miles down from my house. I popped the hood and saw that coolant was leaking all over the place and I could not determine what the problem was at all. So... I just took a breath and decided I'd go ahead and get some food (I was actually going to Subway, you see..)

The girl who waited on me asked, "Is that your car? Car problems suck..." I said, "Yeah. I am not car literate and I can't get a hold of my step-dad. Oh, well. It's all good." She told me that her boyfriend new a lot about cars, and he happened to be there in the parking lot sitting in his car. This guy looks like the average, southern guy you might expect to see at most Waffle Houses. Tattooed up, crooked hat, missing teeth, messy old car, and a young son in the back seat.

He was really friendly to me and within minutes, he determined that my thermostat was sticking which resulted in the coolant flooding over the reservoir. He drove me to his house to get tools, drove me to AutoZone to get that $8 part, and we got into a conversation once he noticed my YHVH tattoo. He'd actually heard of the expression, "Yod-Heh-Vau-Heh", was familiar with the study and practice of magick, and easily recognized many of the subjects that spiraled out of the conversation. He said, "Man, it's been a while since I've heard anything about this stuff." It turns out that this guy is quite a thinker -- we easily related on many subjects including the nature of religious experience, politics, and a few other things. I was truly astonished because my initial impression of his appearance and his accent were nothing like the well organized, calculated topics of discussion he approached.

We got my shit fixed, I spotted him a few bucks in gas money, and turns out that he is also a tattoo artist. He said he cuts a pretty nice deal for those who want a lot of work done "$500 for as much as you can handle".

Before long, fear was non existent, my focus was not clouded, and I realized a curious reality. God caused a simple situation to occur that could have been stressful and potentially expensive only to surprise me with a generous person, at the right place, at the right time -- whose words totally stunned me... And He did this all so that I wouldn't doubt His plans, and that my fear of something beyond my control would not interfere with my level of faith in Him. There is not a doubt in my mind that this was meant to take place and that it was a direct result of prayer and faith. When factors such as these line up appropriately just to show you something totally unexpected, you have just seen a piece of evidence that someone is watching out after you. What an interesting way to make a point to me.

Tattoos...

Are a great way to never lose thy focus and to hold thyself accountable! My mind slips in certain periods of time, and one symbolic representation can be enough to force me to daily realize a purpose, a plan, a change, a destiny.

Hate thy Body, love thy Self

Again, the Corpus Hermeticum gives us lots to think about. So much of this book is universally applicable, carrying a message that transcends time and tradition and crosses the borders of semantics and religious politics. It carries a message which, to the rational, (somewhat) morally upright believer in God, the Father, the Monad, the Spirit should have a hard time arguing with if considered with an open mind and open eyes. I have found things in this work that truly astound me and are having quite an impact on my demeanor and character in general. So, I'm going to reflect on this before I let myself forget what the Spirit(s) is conveying to me.

C.H. IV:6
"H: Unless thou first shall hate thy Body, son, thou canst not love thy Self. But if thou lov'st thy Self thou shalt
have Mind, and having Mind thou shalt share in the Gnosis.
T: Father, what dost thou mean?
H: It is not possible, my son, to give thyself to both − I mean to things that perish and to things divine. For
seeing that existing things are twain, Body and Bodiless, in which the perishing and the divine are
understood, the man who hath the will to choose is left the choice of one or the other; for it can never be the
twain should meet. And in those souls to whom the choice is left, the waning of the one causes the other's
growth to show itself."

I must say that I have come to hate, despise, and *loath* my "Body". Why? My "Body" (Fleshly impulses and desires) fights with my "Self" (My spirit, which is driven by a divine cause and purpose) Without the love of the bodiless, nonperishable Me (Self), I have no Sight for the Truth, I cannot hear the subtle whisper of the spirits, and my spiritual receptor ("Mind") is unable to receive the message ("Gnosis")

I cannot have both (A life driven by flesh and a life driven by spirit). In fact, when I live and answer the call of my "Body", the Self is dormant -- therefore is the Mind, and therefore Gnosis is not mine to acquire, for I am rendered unfitting and incapable of it; I cease to be a fitting vessel for the Light.

But the most beautiful statement out of this excerpt must absolutely be the fact that the waning of my Body-self results in the waxing of my SELF-self. Conversely, my flesh runs rampant and wild in my life when my spirit no longer flourishes.

In the spirit, I literally feel as though I am not of this world (That is to say, no part of me feels at home here). In the flesh, I lose sight of the Spirit and eventually lose the Will to fight between the two. Naturally, flesh then reigns and I become increasingly more a creature of blind cravings and impulses, giving way to excess and Self-destruction.

This document has entered my life at precisely the moment I needed it to: When I was damn well ready to receive and appreciate the treasure it holds. *It* alone is doing massive Work on me as a whole.

Anyway, hopefully I'll have some stories from the Table of Art to share soon. I'm ready to begin integrating powers and harmonizing and strengthening my sphere in a hands on approach...

Peace Profound,
-S.E.A.

The pot is stirring.

In the past 6 days, I have:
-Gotten sober
-Come to new spiritual heights in my walk
-Received an astonishingly relevant and timely prophetic word via a chance encounter while at work serving coffee to a girl that knew me vaguely from a prayer house years ago. She just walked up to me and out of the clear blue sky relayed a message that she clearly believed she received from God on my behalf. I absolutely believe that she did, too.
-Had prayers answered to detail within hours of asking
-Found pieces of information and material that have alleviated fears and worries I've carried for years and years through mysterious means
-Acquired a new sense of direction and a glimpse at what I ought to pursue (as pertains to academia and career) (Agathos Daimon much?)
-Made friends I never expected to make
-Had genuine and unadulterated laughter, and sleep, and hunger, and emotions
-Had various signs from God and the many spirits employed in and around my sphere

And most of all, I've begun to reclaim my Race as a person of the Spirit. Who I actually am, the me that has been asleep, is awakening. This whole time I was "sleeping", some of the Work I put in prior has begun to manifest neatly and things that made no sense are now quite clear to me. In fact, this past few months has been riddled with drastic changes and now, in retrospect, I see that all along I've still been caught up in the current of change. I've been riding the same stream this whole time, because I've started somewhat of an irreversible, inevitable process in my sphere. I can't escape it and therefore must continue to embrace it.

At the present moment, AA and the lifestyle I'm tending to there are in the driver's seat. But so much of AA requires that I build a lifestyle that is entirely led by the God of my understanding and some basic spiritual principles. Luckily, that process corroborates the Hermetic process of internal alchemy in a neck-to-neck fashion.

The synchronicity I have been finding in my daily life is almost too much for me to grasp had I not experienced a wealth of that in my life since I encountered Christ as a teenager.

A Thought occurred weeks ago and things are manifesting wildly. This can only lead me to wonder when I start getting my paws a little muddy from digging back into the thick of the Work, what battles I must face, but what rewards lie in wait for me. Both of those things are guaranteed to occur.

But, for the grace of God.

The Corpus Hermeticum

I hate to admit that this far into my study and practice, even within Hermetics, I have failed to spend time with the Corpus Hermeticum until a few days ago. What an incredibly profound document! I wish I had paid it due attention earlier. It certainly corroborates my Esoteric Christianity in a way that is hard to match. The mere investigation and contemplation of the first few chapters has awakened parts of my mind and spirit laying dormant for several months.

I'm in preparation of objectively identifying what Work needs be done next. RO, when some of his storm has cleared, intends to talk to me and help assess where I'm at and what's next. I did, afterall, start tapping into a current that contains some of his own essence. So, I figured until I have a basic rubric laid out for my continued growth and progress, why not edify the mind and spirit by imbibing some essential Wisdom I've been neglecting? Already, the profundity of the work is putting a drive and a passion in me to die further in my ego, awakening something more pure than what was (that is my hope).

Of particular note, the Corpus specifically addresses a type of person that I identify with. That is, the one who is called to this path but has nonetheless given themselves over to things of Death:

"27. This when He'd said, Man−Shepherd mingled with the Powers.
But I, with thanks and belssings unto the Father of the universal [Powers], was freed, full of the power he had
poured into me, and full of what He'd taught me of the nature of the All and of the loftiest Vision.
And I began to preach unto men the Beauty of Devotion and of Gnosis:
O ye people, earth−born folk, ye who have given yourselves to drunkenness and sleep and ignorance of God,
be sober now, cease from your surfeit, cease to be glamoured by irrational sleep!
28. And when they heard, they came with one accord. Whereon I say:
Ye earth−born folk, why have ye given yourselves up to Death, while yet ye have the power of sharing
Deathlessness? Repent, O ye, who walk with Error arm in arm and make of Ignorance the sharer of your
board; get ye out from the light of Darkness, and take your part in Deathlessness, forsake Destruction!
29. And some of them with jests upon their lips departed [from me], abandoning themselves unto the Way of
Death; others entreated to be taught, casting themselves before my feet.
But I made them arise, and I became a leader of the Race towards home, teaching the words (logoi), how and
in what way they shall be saved. I sowed in them the words (logoi) of wisdom; of Deathless Water were they
given to drink.
And when even was come and all sun's beams began to set, I bade them all give thanks to God. And when
they had brought to an end the giving of their thanks, each man returned to his own resting place."

How incredibly profound this was when I read it, seeing such an old and influential document convict me for my ignorance of God. Not in the not-knowing God, nor in the not-seeing of God, but in my knowing and seeing that I could ignore what is so abundantly laid out before me in full knowledge of how trivially my time is spent with things of Death and Destruction.

I was moved in incredible ways by this; the following morning, I got my happy ass up and took my ass to an AA meeting again, finally. Since I have recently decided to take my path back up, it has stirred my spirit in many ways. I can already see the unfolding of a plot in the near future that is much richer than the richest, darkest rum, much clearer and purer than the cleanest vodka, much more mystifying and psychedelic than the finest herb. I must trade one for the other in my own life, I cannot have both.

If I have the drink, I have not the lending hand of the Spirit in my daily life. If I forsake the drink and instead take up the path, my life fills with awesome and incredible manifestations of mystery and magick in action. For me, it's one road, or the other. No matter how many times I have to go back and forth to get there, get there I must.

Thanks to those whose support and faith in me sees past my struggles to the core of who I am and what I'm meant to be.

bullshit

I have been reevaluating myself in a lot of ways recently. I am overwhelmed with the level of foolishness that I am capable of as a soul who has experienced so much grace and redemption in my life. Of course, my life is a cyclic process of growth and shedding, destruction and rebirth -- this truth has been self evident in so many areas of my life, I have come to accept that in order for me to move to the next chapter in life, I must be totally stripped down to the bone, and even then dissolved further. In this, there must be a drastic change of course with basic habits, pleasures, leisure, passion, responsibilities as well as intellectual, practical, and spiritual pursuits, and less pursuit of the trivial and temporary.

There's always more to skim off the top. My priorities have had to go through some serious surgery and restructuring. 1 year ago, extra cash meant audio upgrades or more booze, or more books I didn't need for the sheer fact that all my current studies require is ongoing discipline and practice. I've come to understand that discipline, good old fashioned nose-to-the-grindstone discipline is an element of my character that needs some serious honing.

Nowadays, I struggle to both eat and have even a small amount of savings from my paycheck. Nowadays, I cannot afford new shoes or new clothes. Car audio? Haha. Bar hopping and fucking around? Haha...

Through life, I've got to say I've acquired a wisdom, an integrity, and a perspective that is radically more refined than most of my peers. But have these things been backed by an equal course of action? Most certainly not. Sure, I've tried and given up and tried and given up, but have I actually utilized the mental and spiritual faculties I have been gifted with to their maximum potential? Fuck no.

My wish at this chapter of my life is that I will shed my foolishness and childishness, that I would actually exhibit the qualities of being a Man of God, that being, a man of action, of drive, passion, and direction. A man who actualizes the Image that I have been made in, who utilizes the vast array of influence, power, and governance allotted to each of us.

Luckily, I am loaded with a sense of Purpose in life. I have been gifted via experience with an undying faith in the Cause of Me and with a duty to fulfill it. I'm 22 years old now and the going has gotten tough and it's time that the tough gets going.

I got a lot of shit in my sphere to melt down. Sure, at my age in today's world, I've climbed up to high heights and have descended a changed person. But... I don't take care of myself for shit. My diet has been sucking, I don't exercise, I smoke a pack a day, I drink habitually, and I haven't set my foot firmly in what are undoubtedly my reasons for being: my spiritual path and all that entails, as well as music, writing, and artistic expression -- those things being intermingled to almost an indistinguishable extent.

Without a doubt, there is a clear path laid ahead for the preservation of myself and the elevation of mySelf. This is all a process with a lot of obstacles and battles to fight. I will not accomplish them all over night, or even over year, perhaps, but it's about time I pick back up.

Lots of work and lots of Work to do. Luckily, having been on my own now for just over a year, I am now in a place where I can keep it real with myself. I can objectively face the mirror with no one else to rely on, or worse yet, leech from. I have no choice but to evaluate myself and go from there, and the weight of these changes *must* come from me, the sweat of my brow, and a discarding of general whining.

RO said something on his blog recently which REALLY nailed into my brain and made me realize an error in my thinking previously:
"Continue the work in my absence, I'm telling you, no matter what physical or spiritual forces we fight against consciously or unconsciously, every conjuration you do today will continue to pay you back in the years to come! Spirits you think of as a knock-off, one time conjuration for info only will be there to protect your ass when you don't even know what they're up to when you need them the most. Every ritual you do is valuable, useful, and has life-long influence that ripples outward through time and space to be exactly what you need, exactly when you need it. Eventually. "

This is a man that speaks from experience. This is a man that has climbed through the same hoops, Worked through the same shit, has surely dealt with the same doubts in himself and the Work, and has surely had to fight some serious challenges.

I love people like him because they edify and sharpen me. They have bullshit detectors after years of doing and witnessing extreme bullshitting and they will stick it to you just the way it is, no fucking around. No sugar coating, they will remind you that you in fact are a bullshitter even if you're great, and that it's on you to stop bullshitting around.

So thank you, RO, and others who remind me of how much my shit stinks and forcing me to take a good, hard look at myself.

You're the best.
-Fr. SEA