I will step boldly, or even blindly as it may be, into unknown, potentially unsafe, frightening, and astonishingly beautiful territory. I will do so of my own accord, of my own choosing, of my own design.
I will put my theories to the test amidst a storm of opposition, and I will do so because I had an experience, followed by an idea, followed by questions that needed to be answered (for myself). I will tread this path despite cries of "fool!" and despite any and all forms of discouragement.
I will step out with a sense of adventure, foolhardy as it may seem, to open doors others might not bother to open. I will take necessary risks and necessary precautions in pursuit of my own curiosities, in pursuit of my own mysteries, and it may be a fly in the face of my brothers, but I walk my path and not theirs.
I will do these things because I am my own man, I will form my own conclusions based on my own experiences, and, God willing, I will live to tell about them. And when I return from my many journeys, I will have my own stories to tell, my own experiences to share, and they will stand out from the rest because they will not have been done yet.
And whether it makes me a mad man, or a man of innovative brilliance, I will have bothered to test my own ideas on no one else's reasoning but my own. On this wild, abstract, exciting, awe inspiring, crazy path that we travel, don't shy away from your ideas, your dreams, and the questions you must answer for yourself.
Carefully consider each point of view and having made a decision on your own reckoning, firmly resolve to accomplish the task you took up to begin with. Otherwise, how would anyone be able to impart any kind of knowledge and experience to anyone else?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Getting back up again.
A few posts ago, I mentioned that some terrible things happened. Those things really knocked me off my balance. I entered into a genuine depression, characterized by that all too familiar loss of interest in the things I usually love, sleeping too much or too little, eating too much or too little, and the first thing that went was my daily meditation and magickal practice.
*sigh* I suppose I'm just telling on myself.
Not too long ago, my girlfriend was overcome in her sleep by a spirit. It acted through her and I witnesses its activity: it was utterly terrifying and I felt powerless to do anything. I received impressions in my mind's eye of a disguised spirit sexually assaulting her and taunting me as well. After some discussion with RO and some Work in Mars, I had hoped for a swift hedge of protection for both myself and her. A few days after this Work, someone close to her family attempted to rape her. In real life.
It was impossible for me not to connect those two events. In a way, I somehow felt responsible for what happened. How could I not? It had seemed as though I managed to invite something quite nefarious in and there I was, in a position of trying to fight a (mostly) invisible battle, without trying to divulge too much of my inner knowledge to her about it.
I felt somehow betrayed by Kammael and betrayed by other beneficent spirits that a few days after the Gate of Mars rite, this tragic situation occurred, a situation whose tides and ripples have yet to complete their damaging course in her and her family.
But it also occurred to me. Perhaps what I experienced in the spirit was a warning of something to come? Perhaps that moment led to the response of Mars work? Let me explain.
This rape attempt ended with a swift kick in the chest, a few phone calls, and a coward thankfully driving away in his car. What if he had managed to do it? What if the pain and suffering she endured were far more grave than the psychological and emotional trauma? The fact is, this whole situation could have been exponentially worse than it was. This was difficult to see at the time, naturally. My first response is, "Fuck this guy, I want him dead."
Well, I still feel that way on a certain level. But really, the following day he actually gives a confession! He goes to jail! He gets transferred to suicide watch in a hospital! He has been charged and will have to answer for his atrocities. His engagement is now broken. He is now shunned by the family. He is cut off from most of the picture. I hate to rejoice in these kinds of things, but what are my alternatives? If he actually managed what he tried to pull of that day, who knows? Who knows if in a fit of blind sickness, he could have caused the ultimate injury?
In reality, this turn out, though spawned by an awful situation, is far greater than I could have expected. Perhaps, after all, the magick was a preparation for something looming around the corner and did have an effect on this situation? It's difficult to know.
This was ultimately the catalyst for a few weeks of almost no magickal activity. It is time to get back to work.
Some concerns have been raised by two people I respect highly in regards to my prior posts and new chapter of experimentation. Their concerns are fair and may just result in changing my mind about some things.
I am not entirely throwing away this project, by any means. I have invested a lot of time, energy, and study to throw it out entirely. But I am proceeding with a greater level of caution than before. On that note, my spiritual and magickal path will not be founded or dependent upon any kind of altered state. I've spent years exploring this path without the use of any substance in the Work, and the majority of my Work will continue to be in absence of those tools.
It should be said that hard work, determination, persistence, and receptiveness will get you much further than a molecule. I've come to astonishing, earth shattering spots of mental clarity, healing, and enlightenment using only those methods to more significance than a psychedelic experience.
If any of my readers or friends have further concerns moving into the future, feel free to express them openly and honestly with me. I intend to be as transparent as possible about it.
*sigh* I suppose I'm just telling on myself.
Not too long ago, my girlfriend was overcome in her sleep by a spirit. It acted through her and I witnesses its activity: it was utterly terrifying and I felt powerless to do anything. I received impressions in my mind's eye of a disguised spirit sexually assaulting her and taunting me as well. After some discussion with RO and some Work in Mars, I had hoped for a swift hedge of protection for both myself and her. A few days after this Work, someone close to her family attempted to rape her. In real life.
It was impossible for me not to connect those two events. In a way, I somehow felt responsible for what happened. How could I not? It had seemed as though I managed to invite something quite nefarious in and there I was, in a position of trying to fight a (mostly) invisible battle, without trying to divulge too much of my inner knowledge to her about it.
I felt somehow betrayed by Kammael and betrayed by other beneficent spirits that a few days after the Gate of Mars rite, this tragic situation occurred, a situation whose tides and ripples have yet to complete their damaging course in her and her family.
But it also occurred to me. Perhaps what I experienced in the spirit was a warning of something to come? Perhaps that moment led to the response of Mars work? Let me explain.
This rape attempt ended with a swift kick in the chest, a few phone calls, and a coward thankfully driving away in his car. What if he had managed to do it? What if the pain and suffering she endured were far more grave than the psychological and emotional trauma? The fact is, this whole situation could have been exponentially worse than it was. This was difficult to see at the time, naturally. My first response is, "Fuck this guy, I want him dead."
Well, I still feel that way on a certain level. But really, the following day he actually gives a confession! He goes to jail! He gets transferred to suicide watch in a hospital! He has been charged and will have to answer for his atrocities. His engagement is now broken. He is now shunned by the family. He is cut off from most of the picture. I hate to rejoice in these kinds of things, but what are my alternatives? If he actually managed what he tried to pull of that day, who knows? Who knows if in a fit of blind sickness, he could have caused the ultimate injury?
In reality, this turn out, though spawned by an awful situation, is far greater than I could have expected. Perhaps, after all, the magick was a preparation for something looming around the corner and did have an effect on this situation? It's difficult to know.
This was ultimately the catalyst for a few weeks of almost no magickal activity. It is time to get back to work.
Some concerns have been raised by two people I respect highly in regards to my prior posts and new chapter of experimentation. Their concerns are fair and may just result in changing my mind about some things.
I am not entirely throwing away this project, by any means. I have invested a lot of time, energy, and study to throw it out entirely. But I am proceeding with a greater level of caution than before. On that note, my spiritual and magickal path will not be founded or dependent upon any kind of altered state. I've spent years exploring this path without the use of any substance in the Work, and the majority of my Work will continue to be in absence of those tools.
It should be said that hard work, determination, persistence, and receptiveness will get you much further than a molecule. I've come to astonishing, earth shattering spots of mental clarity, healing, and enlightenment using only those methods to more significance than a psychedelic experience.
If any of my readers or friends have further concerns moving into the future, feel free to express them openly and honestly with me. I intend to be as transparent as possible about it.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The subtle from the gross.
Start with your plant material, the gross.
Acidify, basify, dissolve (solvent), heat, divide the subtle from the gross (the liquid from the mush), freeze, strain, dry, scrape, mix, burn -- blast off. What was once a bowl full of reddish, dirt smelling root bark has resulted in crystalline perfection, the subtle. In the hands of the wrong folks, this is just cookin' up some trouble. To the one who is pure in heart, respects what they are dealing with, and has no interest in profiteering and only sees a potent spiritual tool, this is a beautiful process.
It's been a lot of fun working on this alchemical process of questionable legality. The funny thing is -- the addictive part is not the use of the refined material itself, but the making thereof. A certain essence of who you are, what your intentions are, and your spiritual paradigm make it into the final product. I never realized that something I might have once considered seedy could in fact be so rewarding and alchemically sound. Prior to these experiments, I really had no experience in what could loosely be considered plant alchemy. But I'm pretty sure this qualifies. It may not possess the color coded stages of an alchemical process, but it certainly possesses the stages of refinement, discarding junk, and arriving at a truly precious stone, so to speak.
Could we call this basic chemistry? Sure, we could. And physically, I suppose it is. But that final product has some real power: chemical, magickal, and spiritual. The same substance created with the same process by a different person would and does, in my opinion, result in a different product and a different experience.
Shamans would warn an individual to be cautious about where they obtained their Ayahuasca tea, for instance. Not because it would be chemically unsafe, laced, or physically impure, but because a certain link could and will be established between the user and the maker. The spiritual paradigm of the maker would be opened up to the individual imbibing the product. You want to be careful about opening yourself up to those kinds of things, depending on the person and their intentions.
What I have arrived at is a product so special, so unique, so personally engineered, it is almost a designer portal into the spiritual reality I have been exploring, studying about, and practicing within for so long. It is fascinating and boggles the mind that my own essence can truly be imbued into such an experience.
Due to the profound psychological and spiritual effects of such an experience, I approach it carefully and wisely. It is available to me any day in quantities that would be impossible to intake, and yet, I simply will not touch it when it's not right.
Coming from half a lifetime of drug abuse and addiction, it is truly special to know that this is a safe tool for me. I know it is, because I have experienced it. And yet -- it is by far the strongest entheogen on God's green earth (and in your brains). Both the experience and safety of the experience are truly mind boggling.
Experiences will be posted as they come... I've just had so much fun refining this product in the mean time, I could not help but post about it.
Acidify, basify, dissolve (solvent), heat, divide the subtle from the gross (the liquid from the mush), freeze, strain, dry, scrape, mix, burn -- blast off. What was once a bowl full of reddish, dirt smelling root bark has resulted in crystalline perfection, the subtle. In the hands of the wrong folks, this is just cookin' up some trouble. To the one who is pure in heart, respects what they are dealing with, and has no interest in profiteering and only sees a potent spiritual tool, this is a beautiful process.
It's been a lot of fun working on this alchemical process of questionable legality. The funny thing is -- the addictive part is not the use of the refined material itself, but the making thereof. A certain essence of who you are, what your intentions are, and your spiritual paradigm make it into the final product. I never realized that something I might have once considered seedy could in fact be so rewarding and alchemically sound. Prior to these experiments, I really had no experience in what could loosely be considered plant alchemy. But I'm pretty sure this qualifies. It may not possess the color coded stages of an alchemical process, but it certainly possesses the stages of refinement, discarding junk, and arriving at a truly precious stone, so to speak.
Could we call this basic chemistry? Sure, we could. And physically, I suppose it is. But that final product has some real power: chemical, magickal, and spiritual. The same substance created with the same process by a different person would and does, in my opinion, result in a different product and a different experience.
Shamans would warn an individual to be cautious about where they obtained their Ayahuasca tea, for instance. Not because it would be chemically unsafe, laced, or physically impure, but because a certain link could and will be established between the user and the maker. The spiritual paradigm of the maker would be opened up to the individual imbibing the product. You want to be careful about opening yourself up to those kinds of things, depending on the person and their intentions.
What I have arrived at is a product so special, so unique, so personally engineered, it is almost a designer portal into the spiritual reality I have been exploring, studying about, and practicing within for so long. It is fascinating and boggles the mind that my own essence can truly be imbued into such an experience.
Due to the profound psychological and spiritual effects of such an experience, I approach it carefully and wisely. It is available to me any day in quantities that would be impossible to intake, and yet, I simply will not touch it when it's not right.
Coming from half a lifetime of drug abuse and addiction, it is truly special to know that this is a safe tool for me. I know it is, because I have experienced it. And yet -- it is by far the strongest entheogen on God's green earth (and in your brains). Both the experience and safety of the experience are truly mind boggling.
Experiences will be posted as they come... I've just had so much fun refining this product in the mean time, I could not help but post about it.
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