I haven't written in a while because my life has been much crazier than usual. Within 7 months: I took Minerval initiation into the OTO only to be shaken to the core internally which then reflected externally. My life changed in every way possible -- every minute of every day of my new life was completely turned around.
Although I am happy with the changes, they have been very stressful and I am very exhausted. All the time nowadays. I got engaged in January. I stepped into the role of Daddy to a 3 year old boy with no experience and no previous wishes for children. I helped my (then) fiancee get into a new car. We moved into our first apartment together in February. I was helping manage a small family with a ridiculous schedule and way too much to do. I had basically just fallen in love and really didn't have much time to enjoy those butterflies and warm feelings before shit got real. Really real. And I'm an emotional son of a bitch, dammit.
I took 1st degree into the OTO in April. After that, I was so shell shocked from all the changes in my sphere, my character, my lifestyle, my everything, that I couldn't take in any more. I was fried. My level of responsibility as a soon-to-be husband and Daddy stepped up quite a bit once Summer hit. I was taking care of my boy while my fiancee worked, and she was taking care of him while I worked. I know that this is normal for many small families. None of this was normal to me, and it all happened virtually over night. I had no time to myself, no time for reading, no time for temple magick, no time to just be. Again, not complaining, I signed up for this. But just, wow.
This is to say nothing of the roller coaster of chaos I was going through (and still am) internally.
Through a series of circumstances, it came to my mother's attention that I am still "involved" in occultism. She basically shut the door on me and I figured... Hey, I've got nothing to lose. I told her everything. Haven't heard from her since. It's too bad. I'm a bit of a Momma's boy and she was always my best friend. But our relationship got more strained as we couldn't be very open and honest with each other. Unfortunately, this is what it's come to. She doesn't even know I'm married right now. Ah, well..
Gearing up for a wedding, making plans, managing funds as a fairly poor couple, and still trying to make time for us was extremely stressful and exhausting. By the time she would have an evening free, I had work 'til midnight or had to be up at 3:30a.m. the following day or some nonsense like this. By the time I had time free, well wait, what free time?
At last, we were married on July 29th in the down stairs/reception area of Moon River Brewing Company in Savannah, Georgia. Well, techincally, we were married by my boss at Starbucks on the 27th in the cafe. Which is cute considering that I was marrying a regular with whom I'd been exchanging glances and nervous awkwardness for the better part of two years. Our plan was to have the ceremony around sunset on the beach on Tybee Island. Until a storm rolled through. Of course... After a lovely but very short honeymoon spent in Savannah and Tybee, my wife's semester is starting up, the boy is back in school, and I have some time on my hands occasionally. Which is nice.
My stepson after many months of affection and playfulness is apparently realizing the gravity of the situation to the best of his ability and is having a very hard time processing it. His father is not much of a parental figure and is not very involved with him, so he's quite used to it being just him and Mommy. Unfortunately for me, I'm currently on his shit list. If he's not play-fighting with me, he'll have nothing to do with me. Instead of the usual running and jumping into my arms, it's a backhand to the leg and a temper. I love the boy and I really don't know what to do or how to do it, or what I'm doing. There's been a lot of adjustment for everybody, I guess, and I have to consider where he's at. But I must say, it's making life at home pretty difficult for the time being. I never realized just how difficult all of this is.
But, hey! I've got a wife and a kid now. A family. That's a blessing of cosmic proportion, to me. I love them so much.
This is the first time in months I had some time to myself that wasn't already spoken for with work and errands, or catching up on sleep since I'm always losing sleep. It's about time. I'm out of study, out of practice, and ready to move on from this point. These 7 months have really kicked my ass. I don't think I've ever experienced this much change, transformation, and adaptation in such a short time span ever, really. Here's to hoping that things, even good things, might roll out a little smoother from here on out. Ah, what am I talking about?
If you've read this post, thanks for baring with me. I needed to get that out.